The 40-Year Book Club
Wisdom from book club members on keeping it fun, being respectful and tackling the challenging reads
In the summer of 1984, eight friends, five of whom originally met at St. Lawrence University in Canton, New York, started a book club. Fittingly, the club was named The Book Club and their first selection was "1984" by George Orwell.
"We learned so much more about each other than you would at the typical gatherings of friends. That is bonding."
At the time, the club seemed little more than a fun way to keep their college ties strong. But this summer, the eight original members, along with a fifth St. Lawrence couple who joined the club in 2010, will gather in Nantucket to celebrate the club's 40th anniversary. They will raise their glasses to 175 books read, countless laughs and an enduring friendship.
"Early on, we realized that what we had was so much more interesting than the fleeting conversations you have at cocktail and dinner parties," notes Sue Ferguson. "We learned so much more about each other than you would at the typical gatherings of friends. That is bonding."
That bond now extends to their children and grandchildren, as well. "We have gotten to really know each other's children," says Frank Brown. "The fact that they feel like part of our group and are so comfortable with us is amazing."
A Thriving Book Club
Why has this book club thrived when most other clubs dissolve after a few years? Clearly, serendipity has played a role; all ten members are still married, relatively healthy and financially comfortable.
But for a club to last this long, more than just serendipity must be in play. So, to learn more, I asked the club members to share their insights, as well as tips for others hoping to start their own book club. Here's what they said:
"You are asking people to spend 10 to 20 hours of their time reading. There should be a good reason to pick such a book."
Make the club a priority. It's nice to form a club with friends. But friendship alone isn't enough to maintain long-term momentum. Everyone decided early on to make The Book Club a priority, despite their busy personal and professional lives.
"Nobody is just along for the ride," notes Sue Brown. That commitment extends to their relationships outside the club. "There is nothing I would not do for another member of The Book Club," says Tim Creamer.
Honor club rules. From the start, the group decided on a few operating principles. Meetings are held in person, four or five times a year. Each couple takes turns hosting with responsibility for choosing the book, and providing cocktails and dinner. The books can be fiction or non-fiction, classics or new reads. It's up to the host to decide on the book, and whatever is selected gets read. But as George Cady notes, "You are asking people to spend 10 to 20 hours of their time reading. There should be a good reason to pick such a book."
At the meeting, the cocktail hour is reserved for socializing. Once dinner begins, phones get put away and the conversation shifts to the book. Only one person speaks at any one time.
"This forces the other nine to listen to what the individual is saying," says Tim Creamer. "If the discussion gets too far afield, the host reels it back in." At the end of each meeting, everyone pulls out their calendars and chooses a date for the next meeting.
"We come with our calendar for the next four months," explains Margie Greer Creamer. "This way when a date is chosen it is NOT changed. Nobody cancels other than for illness."
Once dinner begins, phones get put away and the conversation shifts to the book. Only one person speaks at any one time.
Make it fun. Rules aside, the meetings are enjoyable and memorable. For example, following a discussion of maestro Leonard Bernstein's life as described in "Famous Father Girl" by his daughter Jamie Bernstein, Frank Brown took to the piano and led an impromptu sing-along. One year, Santa Claus made a guest appearance, complete with individualized poems and gifts for each club member.
Following a Theme
The food and décor are creative, and typically theme-based. For a discussion of "This Town: Two Parties and a Funeral — Plus, Plenty of Valet Parking! — in America's Gilded Capital" by Mark Leibovich, the Tuttles replicated an actual White House Correspondents Dinner menu.
When the group read a book about the German inventor, Rudolf Diesel, Sue Ferguson served German sauerbraten. And during the pandemic, when the group met virtually to review "Sailing True North" by Admiral James Stavridis, the Creamers arranged to have fresh lobsters delivered to everyone's homes. "It really took my mind off the uncertainty and anxiety of pandemic isolation," recalls Sue Brown."
"Friendships are more important than landing a good zinger."
Group members have even been known to dress in character. When the club read "Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup" by John Carreyrou, the women donned black turtlenecks and red lipstick, the outfit favored by Elizabeth Holmes, the controversial subject of the book. For a discussion of "Lessons in Chemistry" by Bonnie Garmus, the women sported #2 pencils behind their ears. And when they met for "The Killer Angels: A Novel of the Civil War" by Michael Shaara, John Ferguson appeared in an authentic Civil War soldier costume, complete with musket in hand.
Most notable of all have been the trips abroad, to destinations including Bermuda, Ireland and Costa Rica. "Travel with this group has been a high point for me; enriching our lives and friendships in experiencing new cultures," says Lynn Ruane Tuttle.
Tackling the Tough Reads
It's better to be respectful, than right. Book discussions occasionally get heated. "We have differences of opinion," shares Sue Cady. "But we welcome everyone's input and nobody leaves feeling attacked."
"We don't cross lines for the sake of making a point," says Sue Brown. "Friendships are more important than landing a good zinger." And if needed, Sue Ferguson jokes that people don't hesitate to give their spouse a stink eye, or a tap on the foot to signal that they've gone too far.
Embrace the challenging reads. One of the big benefits of book club has been the opportunity to discuss a variety of interesting books that the members might never have read otherwise.
Lynn Ruane Tuttle notes, "In this attention-deficit plagued, snackable information world, book club has afforded us the opportunity to go deep – to stop, think, consider 'big' ideas outside of our own purview, and rise to the challenge of defending our own opinions and expand our world view.
As they say, 'old friends are the best friends.' And as we grow older, the value of long-established friendship becomes more evident."
