The tropes are ingrained in our psyche. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When one door shuts, another one opens. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. So, how are you supposed to do that if you’re over 50 and have lost your job due to the coronavirus pandemic?
To find out, I reached out to Harvard Business School professor Laura Huang, who just wrote Edge: Turning Adversity Into Advantage. Highlights from my conversation with her shortly. But first, the numbers:
The New, High Unemployment Rate for People 55+
Americans age 55 and older had an unemployment rate of 11.8% in May, up from just 2.6% in January, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. For women, the situation is even worse: the current unemployment rate for women 55 and older is 13.6%.
And a third of U.S. families have lost income since the beginning of shutdown triggered by the pandemic, including all economic groups, according to a new survey by the RAND Corporation.
"When you take control of how others perceive you, you find your edge."
Finding work when you’re over 50, as we know, can often mean running into age discrimination by employers. Some workplace analysts think we’ll see even more of that now, since some hiring managers will be fearful that bringing in an older worker could add to the COVID-19 risk for staffers.
In her book, Huang writes: “Bias does exist, and it’s incredibly frustrating. But rather than beating our heads against the wall, we can empower ourselves to do something about it. We can flip things a bit in our favor.” And, she adds, “The path forward — the path to creating an edge for oneself — is therefore about acknowledging and receiving the perceptions of others, while simultaneously empowering yourself not to embrace and adopt those views.”
Advice From Laura Huang, Author of 'Edge'
Here’s an abbreviated version of my conversation with Laura Huang:
Kerry Hannon: Edge is an acronym you created. What do the letters stand for?
Author Laura HuangLaura Huang: E: Enrich — knowing how you enrich and provide value.
D: Delight. Showing something that's surprising or counterintuitive, so you get the opportunity to show how you enrich. That is important. When you’re able to delight your counterpart, that is the equivalent of cracking that door open just a little bit.
G is for Guiding your narrative.
E: The final E is Effort and hard work. We often think this comes first. If you put in the hard work, the hard work will speak for itself. But hard work alone is not enough.
What is the key to gaining an edge in the job search for an older worker? 
Everyone has unconscious biases. When you take control of how others perceive you, you find your edge.
What I’ve found in my research is that we have perceptions of people who have lost their jobs in midlife and are older workers. One example is that they are perceived to be not as technologically proficient.
That underlying perception is not about technical ability. It is about one thing and one thing only….it is about curiosity. We have this impression that older employees are not as curious [as younger ones].
How do you turn those subtle perceptions that others are making about you and flip them in your favor?
Understanding the underlying perceptions gives you the power.
Practice guiding and redirecting impressions and perceptions. In my research, I’ve told older candidates to say things in a job interview like: ‘I am really curious about your strategy and how it has evolved over time’ or ‘I am curious about your vision and how it has been impacted by…’
What I have found is that not only are they then rated higher for curiosity, but higher in terms of technological proficiency and competency and more likely to get the job.
You are guiding people to your underestimated strengths. The power is that you don’t go in and say ‘I know because I am older that you think X, Y and Z.’ What happens there is you are faced with defensiveness.
Confronting people directly about their presumed biases puts them on the defensive, which creates backlash. I've found that when we feel that we're at a disadvantage, we tend to come on most strongly and aggressively.
When you anticipate and express awareness of the assumptions that others have about you, you effectively disarm them. You empower yourself by taking the bias others have of you into your own hands and reframing the narrative to your benefit. You are directing the conversation to highlight what you want to display.
Being Bold Due to Others' Perceptions
Is there a danger in losing your edge of maturity and knowledge?
If you are bold and take risks in your interactions with others, as long as you are within boundaries and don’t cross any lines, then it could pay off in the form of heightened respect and appreciation from your audience.
Have you ever had to do that?
When I was set to teach a new MBA course, I spoke with current and former students and colleagues. I discovered that I didn’t fit some people’s perceptions of what a professor should look like — I was too young and too female. And so, I helped redirect their judgments.
I started out the class by saying, 'I know it may look like I’m here to sell you Girl Scout cookies,' redirecting them away from my youth and my femininity to my credentials. By anticipating their biases, I was able to guide them to the attributions that I wanted them to make.
Isn’t that a little manipulative?
When you take control, it’s the equivalent of taking over the steering wheel and constructing the sequence for them before they have a chance to do so.
Don't let others write your narrative; write your own narrative and guide others’ view of you.
Preparing for a Job Interview
You also advise people about being too prepared for a job interview. Can you explain? 
You want to be prepared, but not over-prepared. Being too prepared can immobilize you. When you don’t have heavy preparation, you open the door to delight with improvisation and spontaneity.
Focus on three talking points that are most critical. For me, I find that three is all I can cognitively handle at one time. And it gives you the freedom to modify and alter your message.
It’s easy to get discouraged when you’re faced with job rejections. What can help someone gain an edge?
Be realistic. Jobs are harder to come by.
Start by looking inward. Own what is happening to you. Get in touch with your strengths.
This is about looking at your own circumstances and not following what others are doing. Understand where you are planted. What are the things that you are facing? It’s not blaming other people for your job loss or rejection or looking at what others are doing.
You might need to take on a couple of jobs in different areas to flip this to your advantage.
I recently advised someone who had lost a job that he admitted he didn’t particularly love and was trying to figure out what he wanted to do. He has ended up taking a couple of different jobs — working fifteen hours a week apiece and in a couple of areas, financial services and marketing.
None would have hired him full-time, but he is doing a piece of each of those and getting paid more than his salary before.
You can learn and contribute small pieces to several jobs if necessary. You can get a foothold by recognizing there is a gap or a hole or an inefficiency and you are able to tackle that problem for them.
How should someone narrow down where they look for work? 
Seek out people, products and situations that you see as delightful and consciously try to pinpoint what makes them delightful to you. The more you do so, the more it helps you refine your own sense of delight and your own ability to delight.
When you are able to delight, that is where the real magic happens. That is how you allow them to let you in, and how you build your edge.


Unemployed Over 50: Turning Adversity Into Advantage

Kerry Hannon

A lot of people are applauding actress Patti LuPone these days — and not just for her dramatic skills. Rather, it was how she recently handled the rude behavior of an audience member.
It happened during a performance of Shows for Days at New York’s Lincoln Center. The patron, sitting close to the arena-style stage and consequently bathed in light, was texting nonstop. So, during a moment when LuPone typically shakes hands with a few audience members as she exits a scene, the great diva instead tapped the woman’s shoulder with one hand, and — deftly as a pickpocket — palmed her phone with the other, then sailed offstage.
It’s not just a theater thing. Sharon Cuevas works in a Florida store and rails against customers who talk on their phones while checking out. Their lack of focus slows down the whole line. Her strategy is to ask gabbing offenders as many questions as possible in an attempt to make them focus. “Did you find everything you need? Do you need X to go along with Y? Do you have any coupons? Would you like a bag for that?”
She has asked customers to hang up or step aside, too. “It is getting to the point where people need to be forced to take a lesson in cell phone etiquette before purchasing a phone,” Cuevas says.
The New Normal?
Some people complain about the tinny sound of a text message interrupting yoga class. Others feel offended when a friend is actively or furtively checking a phone during lunch. In fact, we’ve all experienced cell phones being used inappropriately.
Should we accept this kind of behavior as the new normal and resign ourselves to the idea that we'll never again enjoy an uninterrupted performance, quiet bus ride or a dining companion’s undivided attention? If not, how can we teach people to have more consideration?
For guidance, we consulted nationally syndicated etiquette columnist Judith Martin (Miss Manners).
The 411 on Cell Phone Etiquette
Martin quickly settled the question: “It’s just as rude to ignore someone by texting as it would be to pull out a newspaper or a book in front of them,” she says. “If talking loudly is considered rude, the same thing applies to talking loudly on a cell phone.”
Martin attributes the rise in rudeness to what she calls the “new toy syndrome.” People have some new gadget and there are no rules about using it yet. Fortunately, Martin sets things straight in a new e-book: Miss Manners: On Endless Texting. 
She credits the increase in bad behavior at the theater or similar settings to the recent notion that everything must be interactive — that is, the audience’s opinion is as important as what’s being said on stage. Martin adds, though, “the idea that the audience was once well-behaved is not borne out historically.” Audience members frequently talked or milled about during orchestral performances until various conductors lashed back and insisted upon proper decorum. Now, she noted, “There’s always an etiquette lesson before every performance. Don’t use your cell phone; unwrap your candy wrappers now.”
Still, there can be scofflaws who ignore signs and polite verbal requests. If someone is shouting on his or her cell phone on the bus, Martin advises invoking a higher authority: Ask the bus driver to tell the person to pipe down.
If you’ve met someone for lunch and he or she ignores you while preoccupied with texts or email, Martin suggests you say: “This is obviously a bad time, let’s meet another time.”
Does Miss Manners think the etiquette surrounding cell phones will eventually sort itself out?
“I certainly hope so. The old basic rules can easily be applied,” she explained. “Don’t annoy other people. Don’t ignore other people.”
Meantime, for those seeking a quiet contemplation uninterrupted by intrusive noise, there does seem to be one refuge where people police themselves. When asked if Cardinal Dolan has ever had to stop Mass because of ringing phones, Joseph Zwilling, director of communications for the Archdiocese of New York, replied that he'd never witnessed that. On the occasions when parishioners have not heeded the announcement to silence electronic devices, they quickly dive to turn off a ringing phone, usually with a sheepish look on their face.
“The only people I’ve seen abusing this are reporters,” Zwilling observed. “Their desk will call, and I’ll have to tell them to please take the call outside.”


Phone Frustration: Look at Me When I’m Talking to You

Deborah Quilter

Hitting the gym after five years wasn’t easy — for body or ego
For someone eligible to collect Medicare, I consider myself to be in decent physical condition. I do t'ai chi every morning and take my frisky pup, Lucky, for two invigorating walks a day. I also chase my 3-year-old grandson, Mason, around the house, yard and, on one particularly memorable occasion, Chuck E. Cheese.
 
But when I recently passed a milestone birthday — and found myself struggling to lift Mason out of the tub — I started to worry about my body’s future. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel connected to the vitality of my youth, and I knew it was time to kick my exercise regimen up a notch.
So I bought a snappy new outfit, joined the Y and looked for any aerobics class on the schedule besides “senior cardio.” I also skipped over every listing containing the words “silver,” “gold,” “mature” and “active adult.”
 
There’s a good reason I didn't see myself as the "senior exercise class" type. In my late 30s I earned a brown belt in karate. By my 40s, I was a Jazzercise veteran, and I was already doing Nia and Zumba when they were the hot new kids on the block.
 
And just five years ago, even if I wasn’t the one in the front row mirroring the aerobic instructor’s every move, I could still throw in a decent booty shake. But one particularly rainy autumn I stopped going to classes — not because I couldn’t keep up but because I got busy with other things. I dropped my Nia, added in a few morning t'ai chi stretches and told myself that even if I wasn’t “advancing,” I was at least “maintaining.”
 
(MORE: The Fiftysomething Workout: Why You Need to Mix It Up)
 
Back to Gym Class
 
And so it was that last month I strode into my local Y for the first time, and with head held high, breezed past a group of older people in the hall waiting for their class to begin. I observed that some of these people were probably around my age, but mentally noted that I wasn’t “old” the same way they were. One elderly woman was in a wheelchair, and a man with sparse gray hair was leaning heavily on his wife’s arm for support.
 
I made a further judgment that even the fitter-looking people, simply by virtue of their participation in something called senior cardio, were in a, shall we say, different class from me. I didn’t need extended warm-ups and cool-downs. No clinging to a chair for me. And I had no interest in modified, gentle aerobics. So I marched proudly past the group, to a room that promised to deliver an advanced-level blast.
 
(MORE: The Fiftysomething Workout: What Your Gym Can Do for You Now)
 
Short story shorter: In that room, it became immediately apparent that my assumption that I’d “maintained” my former level of fitness was a woeful miscalculation. Just five minutes into the workout, during the so-called “warm-up,” I was silently cursing out the young instructor who was showing off how high and fast she could kick while chirping incessantly. Ten minutes in I saw that not only was I not going to be the woman in front mirroring the teacher’s every move, but that I was the old woman in the back hugging the wall while the youngsters were dancing circles in front of me.
 
At the quarter-hour mark, as I was slinking out the door, the only thing I was proud of was that I had managed to get out of there having wounded nothing more than my ego.
 
(MORE: Can't Do Certain Exercises Anymore? Then Swap 'Em!)
 
Senior Cardio, Anyone?
 
For what it’s worth, I would have quit the Y on the spot had I not peeked in on the classroom full of people I’d spotted on my way in. From all appearances, they were having a grand old time. I watched them tossing fitness balls into the air, step-touching and grape-vining across the floor — broad smiles on everyone’s face.
 
I’m the first to admit that I have not made the most gracious transition from my overachieving youth to the outer reaches of midlife. But when I looked around that room, I saw that even though it was packed, there was one open space front and center — and it seemed to have my name on it.
 
I’d like to say that my “downgrade” into senior cardio (with all the required mental adjustments) that morning was easy, but this old ego wasn’t about to give up without a fight. For the weightlifting segment, for instance, I reflexively grabbed the heaviest free weights off the rack. After a minute of biceps curls, my arms were hanging limp at my side — and I was mortified to see the woman in the wheelchair pumping merrily away.
 
What happened next blew me away. She wheeled over and handed me a pair of pink two-pound weights and smiled. Her name is Kathleen, by the way.
 
By the end of the hour, I had my first-ever experience of being in an exercise class where competition was not part of the equation. It was absolute joy, and it occurred to me that we were all in this together, each of us trying to make the most of what we have.
 
I don’t know what my fitness future is going to look like. But I do know that instead of feeling superior to the oldest person struggling to get through the class, I will feel nothing but awe for her willingness to make her best effort. She probably won’t judge me, and I certainly won’t judge her. I’ll be too busy feeling gratitude for having found a class I’ll never “age out of."
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